I discovered this in my To Post pile and realized I’d forgotten to post it on the appropriate day. So, instead of waiting another year, I decided to just put it out there anyway. Just pretend its February 14 again – at least for a few moments.
If you’d like to read the original post, you can find it here -https://athling2001.wordpress.com/2015/02/15/what-does-valentines-day-mean-to-me/
Having gone back to read what I’d written two years ago about the holiday upon us, I was surprised by the few corrections I needed, or wanted, to make. I know, you expected me to say something deep and profound about love and how my feeling had changed since them.
Sadly, I can’t tell you those things unless I’m writing fiction and today I’m not doing fiction. At least here. Okay, so I feel the same way.
Demi-holiday – check
Commercialized – check
History – check
Why – check
My truth about the holiday – check.
So, you ask, why am I writing yet another post about Valentine’s Day.
To be honest, I’m not sure. Maybe just to review my feeling about the Day and it’s message. Maybe to point out to myself that I am still ‘alone’ and doing fine. Or maybe to make fun so I don’t have to admit feeling so alone.
Better. Happier. That yes, I am meant to find somebody who loves me and doesn’t attempt to control me. Who lets me be myself without feeling threatened. Who trusts me even if he doesn’t understand me.
Boy, I’m asking a lot. Or maybe I’m just one of those people meant to be alone. I love my solitude, don’t get me wrong, my independence, but it seems to frighten other people away (i.e. men).
Or maybe I just want to bitch awhile. Whatever. I am alone (if I can say that with two adult children living at home) and I am happy. I am lonely and at peace. I desire – need – my solitude and yet, deep inside, some part of me is afraid to be alone.
While scrolling on Facebook, I get irritated when people talk about their great life and great things they’ve done to ad-nauseum. It’s a kind of envy, I suppose. Why does she/he/it have such a perfect life when all I have to post is stupid cartoons or pictures of horses? Why does everyone around me seem to fall into relationships so effortlessly and I don’t?
So, you can probably guess my view of the day hasn’t changed a lot. By the way, I have to slip to Facebook now to see how my stupid cartoons and horse pictures are doing.
Happy Valentine’s Day!