30 Day Challenge “I am Brave” Day 9 on 7-5-2017

I am Vulnerable.

 

TODAY’S BRAVE ACT

What have you struggled with most during this 30-day challenge?

Today, be courageously vulnerable by openly sharing this weakness with a friend.

 

TODAY’S JOURNAL PROMPTS

A weakness that I’m struggling with …

Today, I will be courageously vulnerable by sharing my weakness with the following person …

I wish all this was easy. Isn’t that a nice fantasy about life? Easy. Wouldn’t everything be so much better if it was easy?

I’d hope so, but I know it wouldn’t. These things, whatever they are, in our lives are not meant to be easy. You don’t grow from easy. You don’t learn from easy. I suspect nothing come from easy. (Except opening stubborn jars. Lord, don’t let that be hard!)

But, honestly,  I dream of easy while knowing easy will be nowhere in sight. So, I struggle with the myth of easy.

What I suspect is that easy is a state of mind rather than a label attached to things like ‘Start a Relationship Easy,’ or ‘Learn to Speak Your Mind Easy.’ It isn’t a step in the process. It isn’t a point 1 or point 2.

Easy is being vulnerable. Things are only easy when we allow them to be easy. Easy isn’t something that comes from outside; easy is internal. Inbred. As much a part of us as our heart and lungs and brain.

I am not an easy person. Not to get to know or to understand. Sometimes – most times – I am not easy inside myself. I wish for easy, but don’t expect easy, so I don’t get easy.

Okay, so is easy really a thing? Can things really be easy? I started out saying nothing was easy. One never learned from easy. So why now am I saying easy is from within?

This is one of those conundrums of life. Is it or isn’t it?

Easy isn’t a ‘thing.’ Easy isn’t something which happens to us or doesn’t. Easy is Us.

If I think things are always going to be hard – guess what? – they will be hard! Until I realized it is the easy inside myself which dictates my outsides.

Damn, it is hard to find a job! So, says easy, it will be.

Damn, a relationship is hard work.

Damn, it is hard to be bi-polar.

Damn this or damn that. Life, we think, isn’t supposed to be easy.

But, yes it is. But only if we allow easy for ourselves.

It is easy to find a job!

A relationship is easy.

It is easy to be bi-polar.

I said I was not easy to get to know or understand. Why would that be? Because I am making it hard. I want to protect myself so I put up a maze of twists and turns and tests to make sure you want to know me; make sure you are dedicated to knowing me before I allow it to happen. This isn’t vulnerable, so it isn’t easy.

In order to protect a me which no longer needs protecting, I live my life hard. And make it damn hard for somebody else to step inside.

To my surprise, some people persist until they get all they way inside anyway.

So now it is my turn. Do I allow myself to live easy or hard? Just because I say easy, doesn’t mean my Fairy Godmother is going to show up, tap her magic wand, and voila all is done. Sometimes easy is damn hard work.

The question is, ‘Will I allow myself an easy life or a hard one?’

That simple.

That easy.

 

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