I Am Curious
TODAY’S BRAVE ACT
Ask three consecutive ‘whys’ to someone today.
By asking WHY three times we go beyond the surface-level habitual responses and get to the real root of a question or problem.
TODAY’S JOURNAL PROMPTS
A recent fear that I would like to overcome …
Why does this fear make me feel scared and uncomfortable?
Why does matter to me that I overcome this fear?
Why have I been previously been unable to overcome this fear?
More than just one recent fear, I wonder why we fear. I know the theory ‘we fear what we don’t understand,’ but I suspect this reason no longer exists for the majority of our fears. I don’t like spiders. I won’t say I fear them exactly, more that there is something about them that sends shivers along my body. Maybe because they are so alien-looking? Small enough to hide among innocent streets or towels? Sneak unfeeling up a pant’s leg or sleeve.
Should I attribute this ‘fear’ to not understanding spiders? I understand the basics of spiders, the reason they are important etc. But do I want to know more?
Frankly, no, I don’t. Let that to the arachnid fanciers. Study them all you like. Keep them as pets. Praise them. Glory them.
Whatever. Just keep them out of my sphere of life, including my house, car and, really, anywhere I am or go.
To make this relevant, or more relevant, I have to confess I still fear things, realistic or not. (So do I misunderstand these things?) And, even if I do understand the reasons and realities of my fear, does it mean I don’t actually fear it?
I find myself afraid of writing, a difficult thing for a writer. I understand why I fear, but not why I can’t seem to get over the fear. Why does my brain freeze up at the sight of a blank screen. Consequently, it does not fear a blank piece of paper in the same way.
And, yes, I know it has to do with being bi-polar. I know it has to do with the fear of failing; of not being good enough; of not being the writer I am. And, of succeeding so well that those I know and love resent me. I can’t say ‘no longer understand me,’ because they don’t understand me now.
If I know the fear, why can’t I get over it?
I have to get over it, because I am the writer I know I am.
I know I can. I have before. I used to write at least five pages a day. I taught myself to type by typing (on a typewriter) a 400-some manuscript eight times.
I guess, my fear really is ‘why can’t I do that again?’