I Am Calculated
TODAY’S BRAVE ACT
Say ‘no’ to a pending invitation or opportunity that would get in the way of your current 30-day goal.
TODAY’S JOURNAL PROMPT
If you can, decide now what you will say ‘no’ to today so you are prepared when the time comes to share your decision.
This is a challenge for me – which is the point of the whole thing. I have been saying ‘no’ to everything, including myself, for so long now that I have forgotten how to say ‘yes.’ It has been a year this month since I became unemployed. More precisely, it has been a year this month since I have worked. I was on disability for around 6 months, part paid, part not. The true sadness is that I left behind a group of co-workers who had become like family (some like whiny children, but nevertheless) family. To be honest, I felt abandoned, and I do to this day. They went on with their lives while mine stopped. Okay, just my working life, but I loved my job. It was stressful as hell, but it made a difference in the world. I made a difference.
And the hardest thing is, I didn’t do anything to precipitate the situation, except take my medicine as prescribed. Unfortunately, somewhere between the Doctor and Pharmacist, there was a mistake and instead of doubling the medicine, it was tripled.
That was no fun. I stopped taking it after a week because hallucinations – visual and auditory – aren’t my norm. Nor is driving over the same road as always and not knowing where I was.
So, I’ve been on a downward ‘No’ slide since then. Even when you don’t want it to be true, it hurts when somebody is lying to your face and smiling.
But, see, I need to let go. I need to look forward, not back. I can’t move on until I get rid of that anger and resentment.
So maybe this is where I need to say ‘No.’ To myself. No, I will not let this derail my entire life anymore. No, I won’t look back, but ahead to the next challenging adventure. To a great job, self-sufficiency – which goes down the drain when you have no money to pay bills.
No, I will not stress over the bills. They will get paid. There will be money for food and to keep my shelter, to continue my life as I want to live it.
‘The money will come’ used to be my mantra and it will be again.
Today is my day to say No.
Any brave adventure can be broken down into a series of calculated risks. So the more diligent I am in calculating each risky decision, the more prepared I am to prevent the worst from happening. In turn, I have more clarity and confidence to take that next brave step forward.
1706 NE Weidler St
Portland OR 97232