I Am Determined.
TODAY’S BRAVE ACT
Choose one of the determined micro-challenges:
Chew each bite 30 times
Brush your teeth with the opposite hand
Carry around something tempting
Remember, it is in the small, seemingly insignificant things that we begin to flex our brave muscle and adopt new norms.
TODAY’S JOURNAL PROMPT
What has previously interfered with my ability to perform?
(e.g. limiting beliefs, values, people, systems, etc).
Which of these are external limitations, and which are internal?
I am not sure the micro-challenges challenge me, so I am going to make my own. Today I am determined to clean up the dining room – rug and kitty pods.
You’d be surprised how hard it is to do the simplest things since my medicine snafu last year. I know the whatever needs to be done but…. It’s not that I don’t care…. I just can’t inspire myself to do them. Thus my house is a wreak. I blame my kids (adult kids), but in reality it is also me. True, they don’t clean up anything, but I’m gotten so that I don’t clean either. Just looking at the dishes needing to be washed defeats me. As does the laundry etc.
Much of the problem is being unemployed for a year. Unemployment does nothing good for bi-polar. Plus the stress as the money fades away and there is no longer money for bills or food.
True, I am now working – temp – but it looks hopeful for becoming permanent. Cross fingers and toes. I am starting to adjust. The last two weeks (my first working), I was so exhausted that I simple worked (meaning, trained) and went home to bed. This week I am adjusting, starting to come off the depression and look upwards.
But I know that about myself – it takes me time to adjust to something new, especially when I go into that something new already stressed. But enough of this…
Today, I am determined to get back on track, to get back to enjoying my life regardless of the ups and downs. I am determined to take back my life (again). I am determined to do one thing each day to return to where I was before everything unwound.
Do I wish I wasn’t bi-polar. Yes. Sometimes. At the same time, I can’t imagine not being bi-polar. I have been this way all my life. Without it, I wouldn’t be me and I don’t know if – were it possible – I would go back and change that whatever it was before I was born which decided I would be this way.
Maybe. Maybe not. True, bi-polar affects my entire life, always has, always will, but it does not have to rule me. I don’t have to let it ruin me.
By the way, I am also determined to catch up on my NaNoWrMo novel and finish this year! And to finish this darned 30-day challenge!
My lot in life has been determined by the actions I have and haven’t taken. Today, I will do what I know needs to be done to accomplish what I’ve set out to achieve. I have the will and skill to fight through resistance. To understand the fears that I encounter, not run from them, and in turn, I will overcome them.
1706 NE Weidler St
Portland OR 97232