After five days of Christmas horse pictures – which was fun – and flow-of-consciousness writing about myself and the holiday – not as much fun – I have come to the point where I need to reflect on what I wrote. And, more so, on what I didn’t write because my sly little ego jumped in to block the words.
The holiday wasn’t a time of joy and magic. Face it, I have long ago left my childhood behind (for the most part) so I didn’t expect joy and magic. But I do want the holiday to mean more than just another day for which I have to decorate and then take down and put away all the decorations. I want the day to be special, but shouldn’t ever day be special?
I am alive. Healthy. I have a house to shelter myself and my kids, I have a job to pay my bills (any my kids have jobs which is especially happy for me). My kids are healthy and – as far as I know – happy. We have four cats and one dog, all of whom make my life better.
I have friends who will come at any time. Friends who understand me and, even if they don’t understand everything, they accept me as I am. I am learning to accept myself as I am.
I have family that will support me – mostly. I think. The verdict is still out over the family, whether we can patch the broken connections and move forward.
2018! It is hard to believe that 2017 is over. Good or bad (both) are over and done.
What do I want for myself and my life in 2018?
I want to re-gain financial security.
No, not want. I will re-gain financial security.
I will write more, both on my own writing and my blog. You lucky folks!
I will be more dependable in posting on the correct dates (JSW anyone?).
I will be more proactive about reading and commenting on all the fantastic blogs I follow and find more to follow. I will comment more and more productively. It seems to me that giving my honest opinion to each and every one of you is a better way to remain honest to myself. Sometimes, I get so afraid of hurting somebody’s feelings, that I hold back. I don’t want to do that anymore.
I will get back into my exercise routine.
I will fill each day of my life with joy and beauty.
I will make the most of every moment of the year.
Okay, I know. You are saying, “Yeah, right, Connie. Every minute of every day?”
Honestly, I know it won’t be that easy. There will be good days and bad days. Good moments and bad moments. Sometimes, I will fall. There will be times when I don’t want to get back up again. There may be times when I can’t get back up again, at least not right away.
The intention is there, however, and I will hold to those intentions.
Don’t worry, I’m not going to go into the Scrooge speech about “I will honour Christmas in my heart, and try to keep it all the year. I will live in the Past, the Present, and the Future. The Spirits of all Three shall strive within me. I will not shut out the lessons that they teach!”
Wait a minute. Maybe I will. It’s not such a bad speech.
It’s not such a bad way to live life.
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