Retro Thursday 6-17-2021


Writing 101, Day Thirteen: Serial Killer II

Everything I’ve learned about living I learned from being bipolar. It’s true, funny as that sounds. The old saying is ‘What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.’ I should be a mountain woman then, or a polar bear. I can never not remember feeling like this, struggling through a world that felt as foreign as an alien landscape. I had ‘friends,’ yes, but still felt awkward and on edge, trapped behind unbreakable glass walls. I didn’t know then, and I still don’t know now, how to relate well in a group. I’m better one-on-one because when I focus on one person, I can more easily pick up their body and facial clues. Ask me to do this in a group… forget it. Ask me to do most anything in a crowd and I’m sorry but I’ll disappoint you. I don’t Christmas shop on Black Friday or Christmas Eve. I don’t go to see movies when they first hit the theater. I don’t go to the grocery store when they are busy. I don’t function well in large crowds. The noise and colors and confusion overwhelm me and I have to leave.

For some, this ‘condition’ might seem the loss of something in my life, but in reality, once I began to understand, and accept, my differences, they have become a plus. I might not be out in throngs of ‘friends’ but those friends I have are close to my heart. I hold the power of silence around me, the ability to step out of time and just be, even if it is just for a moment. My differences have shown me what it means to be a responsible adult, not only to myself, but to my family, friends, community and my world. That doesn’t mean I’m always Ms. Responsible Adult, but at least I’m honest enough to admit when I fail my own expectations. I know how to pick myself up and keeping moving on, a skill that seems sadly lacking in the world today.

Overall, I have been blessed with this difference. And I’ve finally reached the point in my life when I can see and relish those blessings.

What *negative* aspect of your life has turned into a positive?

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