30 Day Challenge “I am Brave” Day 9 on 7-5-2017

I am Vulnerable.

 

TODAY’S BRAVE ACT

What have you struggled with most during this 30-day challenge?

Today, be courageously vulnerable by openly sharing this weakness with a friend.

 

TODAY’S JOURNAL PROMPTS

A weakness that I’m struggling with …

Today, I will be courageously vulnerable by sharing my weakness with the following person …

I wish all this was easy. Isn’t that a nice fantasy about life? Easy. Wouldn’t everything be so much better if it was easy?

I’d hope so, but I know it wouldn’t. These things, whatever they are, in our lives are not meant to be easy. You don’t grow from easy. You don’t learn from easy. I suspect nothing come from easy. (Except opening stubborn jars. Lord, don’t let that be hard!)

But, honestly,  I dream of easy while knowing easy will be nowhere in sight. So, I struggle with the myth of easy.

What I suspect is that easy is a state of mind rather than a label attached to things like ‘Start a Relationship Easy,’ or ‘Learn to Speak Your Mind Easy.’ It isn’t a step in the process. It isn’t a point 1 or point 2.

Easy is being vulnerable. Things are only easy when we allow them to be easy. Easy isn’t something that comes from outside; easy is internal. Inbred. As much a part of us as our heart and lungs and brain.

I am not an easy person. Not to get to know or to understand. Sometimes – most times – I am not easy inside myself. I wish for easy, but don’t expect easy, so I don’t get easy.

Okay, so is easy really a thing? Can things really be easy? I started out saying nothing was easy. One never learned from easy. So why now am I saying easy is from within?

This is one of those conundrums of life. Is it or isn’t it?

Easy isn’t a ‘thing.’ Easy isn’t something which happens to us or doesn’t. Easy is Us.

If I think things are always going to be hard – guess what? – they will be hard! Until I realized it is the easy inside myself which dictates my outsides.

Damn, it is hard to find a job! So, says easy, it will be.

Damn, a relationship is hard work.

Damn, it is hard to be bi-polar.

Damn this or damn that. Life, we think, isn’t supposed to be easy.

But, yes it is. But only if we allow easy for ourselves.

It is easy to find a job!

A relationship is easy.

It is easy to be bi-polar.

I said I was not easy to get to know or understand. Why would that be? Because I am making it hard. I want to protect myself so I put up a maze of twists and turns and tests to make sure you want to know me; make sure you are dedicated to knowing me before I allow it to happen. This isn’t vulnerable, so it isn’t easy.

In order to protect a me which no longer needs protecting, I live my life hard. And make it damn hard for somebody else to step inside.

To my surprise, some people persist until they get all they way inside anyway.

So now it is my turn. Do I allow myself to live easy or hard? Just because I say easy, doesn’t mean my Fairy Godmother is going to show up, tap her magic wand, and voila all is done. Sometimes easy is damn hard work.

The question is, ‘Will I allow myself an easy life or a hard one?’

That simple.

That easy.

 

Word For The Day 6-21-2017

jobation

jo·ba·tion \jōˈbāshən\
Popularity: Bottom 30% of words

Definition

A scolding; a long tedious reproof.


Exmples

When he had gone I gave Umslopogaas a jobation and told him that I was ashamed of his behaviour.
Allan Quatermain

It is difficult for me to justify to myself the violent jobation which my Father gave me in consequence of my scream, except by attributing to him something of the human weakness of vanity.
Father and Son: a study of two temperaments

Julian would gladly have fought it out with his imperative father; but, nevertheless, it was a comfort to have to fetch pale Charles for a jobation; so he went at once.
The Complete Prose Works of Martin Farquhar Tupper

After all, there’s no place for a cock to fight on like his own dunghill; and there’s nothing able to carry a fellow well through a tough bit of jobation with a lawyer like a stiff tumbler of brandy punch.
The Kellys and the O’Kellys

Mr Green was presented, and ushered into the service much in the same way as I was; but he had not forgotten what I said to him relative to the first lieutenant; and it so happened that, on the third day he witnessed a jobation, delivered by the first lieutenant to one of the midshipmen, who, venturing to reply, was ordered to the mast-head for the remainder of the day; added to which, a few minutes afterwards, the first lieutenant ordered two men to be put both legs in irons.
Percival Keene

“I can understand, father,” answered Ida, struggling to keep her temper under this jobation, “that my refusal to marry Mr. Cossey is disagreeable to you for obvious reasons, though it is not so very long since you detested him yourself.”
Colonel Quaritch, V.C. A Tale of Country Life


Origin

jobe (to harangue or rebuke in a long-winded or drawn-out way)

-ation (an action or process)


https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/jobation

“I Am Brave” 30 Day Challenge Day 8: 6-21-2017

I am Capable!

TODAY’S BRAVE ACT

Water someone else’s seed of intention:

  1. Bring a friend to mind who you know is capable and gifted in a certain way.
  2. Send them some words of encouragement letting them know you see that in them.

TODAY’S JOURNAL PROMPTS

Who made you feel good this week? What did they say?

I have one friend who always pushes me to be my best. No hiding behind myself or pretending. She kicked me through the fear of a divorce. She keeps me from lying to myself.

But, I am lying to myself again. She used to. Some of the saddest words in the world. She used to.

I know I was decompressing all last year; maybe, she was, too. We both had a hard year. We’ve both lost ourselves. I want to find myself, and my friend, again. I don’t want this wall between us, these misunderstandings and blow-ups.

I texted her this morning, telling her I value her as a friend. I am proud to call her a friend. Later on, I will call her. Just to say hi.

I’d forgotten how it feels to make another person feel valued and loved and useful just for being themselves. Here’s to remembering and to letting all my friends know how much I value their friendship.

To those of you with whom I’ve become friends on WordPress, thank you for your friendship. Thank you for your comments on my work, good or bad, and for just stopping by to say hi. I know I haven’t been keeping up my end of the friendship lately (a long lately), but I will change that. Hint – the 35 pages of blog posts I need to read, like and comment on (well maybe not comment on them all:).

So, if I haven’t been by your page in a long while, I am coming. It’s good to have friends. It’s good to have connection. It’s good simply to be alive

I Am Brave – 30 Day Challenge Day 7: 6-15-2017

I Am Heroic!

TODAY’S BRAVE ACT

1. Raise your hands in the air.

2. Breathe into this power stance, own it.
3. Then audibly declare:
   
“I am the hero of my own story!”

TODAY’S JOURNAL PROMPTS

If my life was a movie and it started today, what would the hero do?

What old routines and patterns would the hero break?

What new habits would the hero replace those old habits with?

 

What would I do if my life was a movie and it started today? I think the better question is ‘what would I do if my life started today.’

It is hard to think of myself as a hero. Many of the characters living with/in me are heroic, but would I be able to do the same things? It is safer to think I wouldn’t be a hero. Hero’s are expected to be heroic, to do the things we ‘normal’ folks are afraid to tackle. I am a ‘What-would-I-do-if hero.’ What would I do if I found an abandoned dog. Would I have the courage to run across lanes of traffic to save him? Someone beating their child? Gossip about somebody? Theft? Murder? Or something as ‘normal’ as rudeness. I think I know, but I don’t know for sure.

To read another post on this subject, you can go here: https://athling2001.wordpress.com/2014/07/07/am-i-ready-to-be-just-another-ordinary-hero/

Routines and habits are hard to break. Starting with the ‘What-would-I-do-if hero’ to the ‘I-can’t-do-it anti-hero,’ I want to change all those habits and fears clinging to my soul. Part of the problem is being bi-polar, or is that a way to excuse myself for not changing? I have survived so far. I can look back and see how I have changed and grown – and something not grown – over my lifetime. It’s hard, however, to look forward and see who I will be. Equally hard to judge who I want to be in the future.

I want to stop being afraid of can’t. I want to regain the knowledge ‘I can.’ I can do anything if I believe I can do it. Right? So why is it so hard to believe? I am free of the ‘You-can’t-trust-people-of-my-past,’so how do I break the chains they still have wound around me? I come back to living day by day, minute by minute. I am getting better at this, constantly challenging myself to move beyond my comfort borders. Sometimes I do, sometimes I don’t, sometimes I fall prey to fear at the last moment.

I look back at some of the things I’ve done in my life and realized how heroic those things were at the time. I didn’t realize it then, of course, not in the terror of the moment, but now those moments are clearer. And in those moments, I see the person I want to be all the time. A see an honest, understanding, brave person who sometimes loses her way and is afraid.

It’s like having two personalities at the same time. One is the ‘normal’ me and the other is the ‘brave’ me. If I can change one thing in my life, it will be to become the brave me, the unafraid me, the hero in my own life each and every moment of my life.


“If you are not the hero of your own story, then you’re missing the whole point of your humanity.”

– STEVE MARABOLI

 

“I Am Brave” 30 Day Challenge Day 6 6-9-2017

Today I am Prepared

Today’s Brave Act

Choose one metric to use that can measure the results of your 30-day goal.

Measuring progress will help me stay on track, reach my target dates, and experience the achievement that will propel me to bravely charge forth in the face of fear.

TODAY’S JOURNAL PROMPTS

I have 24 days left in my 30-day goal to  take charge of my life and writing by living day-to-day instead of in the future or the past.

Which means within two weeks, I need to be able to stay focused and stable in my life and writing for a week.

Which means in a week, I need to continue to exercise every day as it helps stabilize me. When I am stable, I can live day-to-day both in life and my writing.

Which means in the next three days, I need to finish my writing prompts, exercise and work on one chapter from my manuscript.

To hit that 3-day goal, today I need to exercise, write, continue to clean and order my world (both physical and mental).

“I Am Brave” 30 Day Challenge – Day 5: 6-5-2017

I Am Enough!

TODAY’S BRAVE ACT

Spend time listening to your thoughts of ‘not enough.’

These voices of ‘not enough’ are there because there’s something to be learned. Today, write down all the ways you’ve been telling yourself you are not enough. Thank those thoughts for helping you better understand yourself, and let them go as you say, “I am enough.”

TODAY’S JOURNAL PROMPTS

How would I define feeling ‘enough’ as it relates to me personally?

Why do my voices of ‘not enough’ exist? What are they trying to tell me?

How can I grow by spending time listening to these voices?

What is enough? What does it mean? How does it manifest in our lives? It is outside of us or inside? Why does it become so important in our lives and why is it so hard to grasp and understand?

This is what I know about enough.

The one truth which stands head-and-shoulders above the rest is we will never get enough if that is how we measure our lives. We think ‘less’ when we should be thinking ‘is.’ As in ‘there is enough money to cover my bills and still let me live the life I want to live.’

I once lived in fear of not enough. In order to survive, I had to restructure my entire way of thinking. In regards to money, I used to think ‘Oh my god, how can I afford food for my family.’ Less.

This wasn’t an incorrect statement. Finances were almost nil. I had every right to worry, but worry only caused more worry. More fear. More stress.

Now, every time I stand at the register to pay for my groceries, I say a thank you to the Universe for the money to buy the food my family needs. Silently, of course. I talk to myself enough as it is. (Aloud). I didn’t need people thinking I was now talking to some invisible being.

As I continue with gratitude, my mind has turned from ‘not enough’ to ‘enough.’ The money will be there, is my other mantra.

I think enough is another word for gratitude. The more gratitude I feel, and show, the more I understand that what I always had, what I have, what I will have, is enough.

I am enough.

Are you?


Intention Inspired

1706 NE Weidler St

Portland, OR 97232

“I Am Brave” 30-Day Challenge Day 3 6-1-2017

I knew starting this challenge would send me spinning off course,  but I hadn’t expected so much spin. I am now back and ready to continue. Wow – self-awareness is scary as crap.

I am Self-Aware

TODAY’S BRAVE ACT

Ask a friend what they see as your greatest strength and greatest weakness.

My friend told me that my greatest strengths were humanity, perseverance and generosity. Not sure why, but I expected something different. I don’t know what I was expecting, but there you go.  I do agree with the humanity and generosity (though I often don’t feel generous inside) but the perseverance surprised me. I’ve always thought that I give up too quickly. I will admit this trait has gotten better over the years, but it wouldn’t have been an attribute I attributed to myself. Then again, maybe I’ve been giving up on myself too easily.

And my greatest weakness was fear of change. Which, I thought, I’d conquered – at least somewhat – but maybe I was deluding myself.  I’ll need to think of this for a time, try to connect her vision of me with my vision of me.

Today’s Journal Prompt

One of my greatest strength has always been my sensitivity to others thoughts and feelings.

One of my greatest weaknesses that I acknowledge is how sensitive I am to others thoughts and feels.

I know this sounds contradictory. It is. At the same time, it isn’t. Sometimes our greatest strengths are also our greatest weaknesses. It has taken me years to figure this conundrum out, or at least, start to figure it out.

“I Am Brave” 30-Day Challenge – Day 2 5-24-2017

Today I am Committed!

Today’s Brave Act

I will hold myself accountable to completing my 30-day goal by making one of the following commitments:

TODAY’S JOURNAL PROMPT

Staying committed to my 30-day goal is important to me because I need to make a commitment to myself. Where once I had time to do the things I wanted, including writing, I now see the Dead End sign ahead. Not that I’m anywhere near the Dead End, don’t get me wrong, but my perceptions changed at 50. When I was younger, the future never ended; after 50 I know that it does. And I know what I do with my life matters, both to myself, to those around me and to the world.

And to those characters that live with me and inside me. Lucky them. They get to the Dead End when I get to the Dead End. Not all of them are happy about that, let me tell you.

I am no longer overwhelmed by the world, at least not on a daily basis. The world has gotten smaller as I have gotten bigger, not in size so much as in spirit. I no longer have time for my fears to overwhelm me.

So, for today, I will go forward bravely and confidently, knowing the universe will care for me. I don’t need to worry about where the money will come from. I just simply need to know that it will there, the money, when needed. As will the love, the support, the friends, family and teachers when needed.

Today, I bravely stand before you, readers and friends, to affirm my decision to commit to the important things in my life. Both quiet and loud, dark and light, soft and hard. I do this as my public statement (knowing if I don’t you will remind me, over and over and over, until I learn) to be true to myself and the worlds living inside me.


Intention Inspired
1706 NE Weidler St
Portland, OR 9723

I Am Brave 30-Day Challenge – Day 1 5-23-2017

I am Inspired.


Today’s Brave Act.

Choose a physical object to serve as a reminder of why you committed to this 30-Day Brave Challenge.

Embed your intention in this object. Strategically place it where it will be seen/used every morning during this short, powerful exercise.


TODAY’S JOURNAL PROMPT

What was the seed that inspired you to start this 30-day challenge?
What does it mean to be inspired? And, by that, I mean what does it mean to me, deep down, to be inspired. I know I haven’t felt inspired for a long time. At least I haven’t felt inspired and remained inspired. Inspiration comes like the ocean waves, washing in one moment and out the next.

I get scared. What am I doing? What am I trying to do? What do I think I can do and why do I think I can do this? I can’t, you know.

I don’t have the inspiration or courage to fully commit.

Sadly, every time I back down, I dishonor myself. I feel that dishonor and yet I can’t force myself to move forward. It is easier, by far, to just let things happen, to drift through life as it comes instead of attempting to mold itinto what I want. Who I want to be. What I want to do. How I want to let my light shine.

As I said, I dishonor and disappoint myself every time I open my writing file and am paralyzed with fear. I can’t do this because nobody will care. Or read it. Or like it.

On the other hand, what does that matter? I am, after all, simply telling the lives of the characters who live inside me. I am telling their stories for me, and so they will quit bugging me to be heard.

Today’s brave idea is Inspired. I know how I’m not inspired. I’m afraid of being inspired. But what would happen if I was inspired. How can I be brave about being inspired.

I am brave because being a writer is all I have ever been. I can never not remember when I wasn’t a writer. And, corny as it might sound, I have always felt a presence leading me forward. Encouraging me to just take one more step and then another and another. Telling me that all my dreams will come true if I just keep trying. Moving forward.

Remembering to be inspired.

For my brave act, I am choosing a candle to remind me of the flame of desire living inside me. It can’t die, this flame, unless I let it go and stop believing in myself. So I light this candle (its pumpkin, by the way) every morning to remember me of my promise to myself.

I can be brave.

I can find my self again.

I can take a leap of faith and trust I will land safely.

I can overcome my fears.

I can plant the seed of bravery inside my heart.

I can know – I do know – I can be brave.

Can you?