JSW – Inner Conversation 11-16-2016

I apologize for taking so long with this JSW prompt. Family once again takes center stage.


“Really,” I said, suddenly embarrassed to be talking to myself, out loud, again. Thank goodness there was no one around to hear me or see my lips moving. Talking to myself out loud was, as I was so smugly informed, the first step along the road to insanity. I am not insane?

‘You know better,” me said to I. ‘Insanity has nothing to do with it.  Don’t your remember the joke about talking to yourself as being the best way to keep from arguing. Now arguing with yourself, that’s weird.’

“Okay. So I’m weird.” I leaned back against the wall. “But I’m not insane.”

‘Hummmmm?’

“I am not insane!” I said, perhaps too loud to be anything but denial.

Sometimes there is a feel to aloneness that is not unlike sorrow. My heart is heavy for the world outside, a world of which I have never, will never, be part of.

Isn’t that the definition of insane, after all? In a state of mind that prevents normal perception, behavior, or social interaction.*

“Is that me? I can’t tell any more.”

‘It is.’

Anger rushed in.

“Shut up! Shut up, shut up, shut up!”

‘Don’t get mad at me.  I’m just your own thoughts inside your own head. Nothing more.’

I hate straitjackets.


* Defination from Google

 

 

 

 

Quote For The Day 6-10-2016

“Soon madness has worn you down. It’s easier to do what it says than argue. In this way, it takes over your mind. You no longer know where it ends and you begin. You believe anything it says. You do what it tells you, no matter how extreme or absurd. If it says you’re worthless, you agree. You plead for it to stop. You promise to behave. You are on your knees before it, and it laughs.”
Marya Hornbacher, Madness: A Bipolar Life