Shhhhhush, Don’t Tell – My Secret Vice

Okay, I admit it. My secret vice is watching reality Cop Shows. I’m not sure why. It’s not quality entertainment by any means. Or pretty. Or quiet. Or most anything one might offer as a reason to watch these programs. Besides the improbable explanation that I was a police person in another life, the only logical reason I can give for sitting hours watching these shows is ‘I watch these shows because I am a writer.’

Most Cop Shows illuminate a life-style I don’t understand and don’t believe I will ever understand. How can people live like that? Drunk all the time. Drugs. Fighting. Blood. Just the general sense life is shit and they are moving towards destroying their lives as best and as quickly as possible.  Last night I watched the show Under Arrest. The ‘criminals’ screamed at the cops for the entire show. I don’t mean raised voices, I mean screaming at the top of their lungs, calling them all sorts of names, sure the cops were out to get them or just about anything rude, obscene or stupid that could come out of a human mouth.

These shows boggle me. People run and fight and struggle and lie as if it is the most normal behavior in the world. If the Police told me to lie down (which had never happened to me as one speeding ticket doesn’t account for pulling me out of the car at gunpoint – thank goodness ), I would be on the ground, not doing anything to make the Officers mad. I would be ‘Yes Siring ‘or ‘Yes Ma’aming’ every request or order. I might be crying, heck I would be crying, but that’s a far as I would go.

Back to that one speeding ticket in my life. I surprised the cop because all I said was, “No, I didn’t know how fast I was going, I was just hurrying to get the ice cream in the back home as soon as possible.” I was polite.  I didn’t argue. Hopefully, if nothing else, I gave him a nice break from arguing and cursing.

So, yes, those shows fascinate me. They are a peek into a life that I have never have, and hopefully never will, experience in real life. So if you happen to see me cuffed by the road, I hope you’ll know I was the politest arrestee ever. And it probably isn’t really me, rather one of the multitude of characters in my universe, born from watching my secret vice way to often for my own good.


Photo from IMDb website.