Make April a Month of Hope – Our Awesome World! 9-9-2020

“The tree with what is likely the largest diameter is El Arbol del Tule, an Ahuehuete or Montezuma Cypress growing in Oaxaca, Mexico in the town of Santa Maria del Tule. The trunk of the tree is 33 feet in diameter and has a circumference of 178 feet. Originally thought to be multiple trees that had grown and fused together, DNA tests have shown that it is actually all one tree.”

El Arbol del Tule, an Ahuehuete or Montezuma Cypress growing in Oaxaca, Mexico in the town of Santa Maria del Tule.

I am in total awe of this tree.  I have always been a tree person  both in person and in my writings. I feel a kinship with all trees. To see this one in person would be absolutely awe-inspiring. I can’t image what I would feel as I touched the trunk.

One tree. One ancient tree. One amazing tree. One tree of hope.

How can there not be hope during this crisis and beyond with such mystery and beauty in the world?

Today, take a moment to step outside. Feel the breeze on your skin. The sun on your face. Or even the rain washing over you, washing away your fears. Feel the grass under your feet. Place your hand on the trunk of a tree and see if you can feel it’s heartbeat.

What mystery of the world amazes you and gives you hope for the future?

Make April a Month of Hope – Hope For Today 4-9-2020

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.  Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.

It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us.

We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you.

We are all meant to shine, as children do. [..]

And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”
– Marianne Williamson

From the Arm Chair….. 4-9-2020

I have to apologize for not starting Make April a Month of Hope sooner.  On April 1st, my first day working at home, my computer died. Well, the battery died. It has enough power to turn the computer on, but not to keep it on.

At first, I wasn’t worried. I could easily get a battery. Yeah, right. Everybody business I checked not only didn’t have the battery in stock, but it would take at least 2 – 4 weeks to get it into their store. So I gave up on the battery.

Okay, I’ll just get another inexpensive computer. How hard can it be? Amazon items come in within two days.

Oh, no. Amazon, Walmart, Target, Best Buy, none of their computers could arrive to my home before the 12th through the 20th.

Finally, I decided to just go to Walmart and get a computer, which was when I realized how bad things had gotten. I got their last computer! At Walmart. What?

Really?

The last one!

Suffice it to say, I now have a working computer and hope to be back on track as soon as possible. Which means now!

Again, I apologize for my disappearance.

 

Connie

Make April a Month of Hope 4-1-2020

Welcome to Make April a Month of Hope! I am hoping this will be a place – on whatever platform- where we can support each other, not only because of the pandemic, but from whatever might be making our lives strained.

The biggest issue is, of course, the one on all our minds – Covid-19, the virus changing our concept of reality.

I am still working since I work at a hospital. I have been volunteering in the COVID-19 Clinic at the hospital for half a day, then doing my normal job the remainder of the day. Tomorrow, I start a trial of working some days at home. This will only go on as long as COVID obviously, but it is a nice change.

The quietness of the world at large is odd and scary. I’m not used to the near deserted streets, the empty grocery store shelves.

I have no issues staying home the rest of the time as I am a homebody at the best of times. I have been spending some beautiful afternoons in the hammock with my dog, Evie.

Life goes on.

What changes has COVID-19 made in your life?

Retro Tuesday 3-31-2020

Thoughts on Regrets

“We all do things we desperately wish we could undo. Those regrets just become part of who we are, along with everything else. To spend time trying to change that, well, it’s like chasing clouds.”

Libba Bray

Everybody has regrets.  We all live with the what-ifs, the should-have-beens and could-have-beens.  I’ve had my share and more. Most have faded away, others remain with me to this day.  The maxims suggest you live without regret.  I don’t know about you, but I have a hard time working that sentiment into daily life. If I deny those feeling, don’t I deny a part of me I don’t want to lose? I don’t want to live in the past, but how can I change my future if I don’t understand what molded my past?

I regret when my first tabby cat, Dandor, died trying to get to the bedroom to be with me. I was asleep and didn’t know until the next day. It was a natural death, don’t get me wrong, but that didn’t make it hurt any less.  Didn’t make my regret any easier. I regret that I wasn’t more self-away when I first met my ex because then he wouldn’t have been anything to me. I would have seen through his lies and been strong enough to say, ‘I deserve better.’

Regret. Regret. Regret. So many regrets in one lifetime. I treasure these regrets because they are the building blocks upon which my life has been constructed, stepping stones to a stronger and calmer and happier me.  That doesn’t mean I will never have another regret. I  know I will and trying to pretend otherwise is like turning a blind eye to reality.

My biggest regret now is that I didn’t keep the last promise I made to my Mother. When we put her in respite care while my Dad was in the hospital, I promised I would take her home. Every time I saw her, I promised.  She would cry and I would remind her of the promise and the tears would stop. When Dad got better, he realized he couldn’t care for her by himself any longer.  The result – leaving her where she didn’t want to be. Promise broken. Not my fault. Not anybody’s fault. It was what it was. A broken promise never to be mended. An ache of pain which will linger for a long time to come.

How do we survive the avalanche of regret? One step at a time.  One day at a time.  One moment at a time. Forgiving yourself is a lifetime project. No one conquers those pains in an hour or a day. Sometimes it takes the lifetime. We learn to crawl, then walk, and then run from the hurt behind.  Other times, we sit still and silent, letting the pain and regret settle deep inside us until we realized that, no matter how bad, the regret and the pain is not going to kill us.