Take any one belief of yours that has ruled your life, and examine it from the following aspects.
1 Is it true?
2 Can you absolutely know that it’s true?
3 How do you react, what happens, when you believe that thought?
4 Who would you be without that thought?
This challenge was posted by fellow blogger, Reena. Thanks, Reena, for, once again, making me think deeply about my life.
This challenge has been sitting in my draft box for quite some time. I am fascinated by the challenge and, at the same time, scared silly of following where it might lead. Self-examination is scary, at best. This has the touch of terror.
When I try to single out one belief about my life – that I haven’t beaten to death already on my blog – I draw a blank. Mostly because I don’t want to delve any deeper into me, much as I need to do so.
So what belief has ruled my life? That I’d never find the true me. (Done to death). That I wasn’t, or was, meant to be a writer. (Also done to death). That I would never find happiness. (Ditto.) That I’d fail the test of life. (Yeah.) Fail the test of… fill in the blank.
So, how do I begin to dig deeper, find the beliefs influencing my whole existence, but that still remain hidden? Lions in the long grass. Waiting for the ambush.
The deepest belief which has ruled my life, is that I am not a good person. I don’t deserve to be a writer. Find the true me. Find happiness. Pass any test of life. This belief left me feeling helpless and alone, adrift in a universe which I could never understand. Why would anything good happen in my life?
I’m betting many of you know the feeling.
Is this belief true?
No way, even if it still feels true sometimes.
Scary, huh?
Many of these feelings came from having Asperger’s and Bi-Polar, but at the same time, I have to take my part of the blame. I let myself be defeated without even attempting to raise a cry.
When I started this blog, my inspiration was a sign which read, “Begin.” The sign made me really think about the meaning of the word and what it meant in my life. Now when I feel lost and alone, when I feel like a failure, I remind myself to begin to believe what I know is truth even when the Bi-Polar is telling me it isn’t.
So who am I?
I am me, good, bad and indifferent. Sometimes I love myself, sometimes I don’t. Sometimes I fail and sometimes I don’t. You get the drift.
In the end, regardless of all these trials and tribulations, it all comes down to that one word.
Begin.
What belief do you need to examine in order to begin living the life of your dreams?
