From the Arm Chair….. 4-9-2020

I have to apologize for not starting Make April a Month of Hope sooner.  On April 1st, my first day working at home, my computer died. Well, the battery died. It has enough power to turn the computer on, but not to keep it on.

At first, I wasn’t worried. I could easily get a battery. Yeah, right. Everybody business I checked not only didn’t have the battery in stock, but it would take at least 2 – 4 weeks to get it into their store. So I gave up on the battery.

Okay, I’ll just get another inexpensive computer. How hard can it be? Amazon items come in within two days.

Oh, no. Amazon, Walmart, Target, Best Buy, none of their computers could arrive to my home before the 12th through the 20th.

Finally, I decided to just go to Walmart and get a computer, which was when I realized how bad things had gotten. I got their last computer! At Walmart. What?

Really?

The last one!

Suffice it to say, I now have a working computer and hope to be back on track as soon as possible. Which means now!

Again, I apologize for my disappearance.

 

Connie

From the Armchair….

As many of you know, the last year, year and a half, have been quiet ones on this blog. I won’t say that stretch of time was the hardest of my life, but it was up there. I had surgery for cancer in October 2018 which started the randomness of my posting. This year my Aunt died and my basement flooded (again).

I have spent most of this year dogging plumbers and cleaners and contractors in order to redo the basement (and it going to be beautiful).

On the other hand, I have completed three manuscripts that are now in a pile to be edited and then published (self-publish probably, but that works).

But back to the Blog. I have missed writing for my blog and several times I tried to get back on track. Unfortunately, something else would happen and my efforts would fade away to more silence.

So….

One of my goals this year is to get back to posting every day. I won’t promise I’ll never miss a day, especially here in the beginning, but I do promise to do my best.

On another hand, I have also missed reading your blogs and hope to get back to that sooner than soon.

Glad to be back,

CS Knotts

Reena’s Exploration Challenge 12-6-2017

Take any one belief of yours that has ruled your life, and examine it from the following aspects.
1 Is it true?
2 Can you absolutely know that it’s true?
3 How do you react, what happens, when you believe that thought?
4 Who would you be without that thought?


This challenge was posted by fellow blogger, Reena. Thanks, Reena, for, once again, making me think deeply about my life.


This challenge has been sitting in my draft box for quite some time. I am fascinated by the challenge and, at the same time, scared silly of following where it might lead. Self-examination is scary, at best. This has the touch of terror.

When I try to single out one belief about my life – that I haven’t beaten to death already on my blog – I draw a blank. Mostly because I don’t want to delve any deeper into me, much as I need to do so.

So what belief has ruled my life? That I’d never find the true me. (Done to death). That I wasn’t, or was, meant to be a writer. (Also done to death).  That I would never find happiness. (Ditto.) That I’d fail the test of life. (Yeah.) Fail the test of… fill in the blank.

So, how do I begin to dig deeper, find the beliefs influencing my whole existence, but that still remain hidden? Lions in the long grass. Waiting for the ambush.

The deepest belief which has ruled my life, is that I am not a good person. I don’t deserve to be a writer. Find the true me. Find happiness. Pass any test of life. This belief left me feeling helpless and alone, adrift in a universe which I could never understand. Why would anything good happen in my life?

I’m betting many of you know the feeling.

Is this belief true?

No way, even if it still feels true sometimes.

Scary, huh?

Many of these feelings came from having Asperger’s and Bi-Polar, but at the same time, I have to take my part of the blame. I let myself be defeated without even attempting to raise a cry.

When I started this blog, my inspiration was a sign which read, “Begin.” The sign made me really think about the meaning of the word and what it meant in my life. Now when I feel lost and alone, when I feel like a failure, I remind myself to begin to believe what I know is truth even when the Bi-Polar is telling me it isn’t.

So who am I?

I am me, good, bad and indifferent. Sometimes I love myself, sometimes I don’t. Sometimes I fail and sometimes I don’t. You get the drift.

In the end, regardless of all these trials and tribulations, it all comes down to that one word.

Begin.

What belief do you need to examine in order to begin living the life of your dreams?

If you’d like to read my post, Begin, you can go here.